hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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