Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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