My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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