Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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