At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
