We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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