Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
