There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
