wrigley field is MILF paradise
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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