I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
