Are we in a gay sports bar?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
