yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
