I hate all girls vehemently.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
