I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
