i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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