Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
