We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
