My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
