i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
