Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
