Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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