my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
