If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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