i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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