I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
