NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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