I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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