I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
