This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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