if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
