I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
