Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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