I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
