I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
