You're so nebulous sometimes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
