dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
