I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize