So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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