are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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