I wish I could punch you in the face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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