I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
