he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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