At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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