he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
