I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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