we have officially lost it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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