I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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