So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
