halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
