Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
