do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How naked do you want me to be?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
