They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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