Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
