Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
