I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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