Define "chronic" masturbator.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
