just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
