I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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