Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
