Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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