I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
