Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
