when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
