i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
