so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
