i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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