This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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